Review: Raising a Black Son in America and the “Reflections of an Anxious African American Dad”
By: Deborah Harris
How much do our childhood experiences influence our behavior as adults? Why are some of our early memories so deeply embedded we cannot seem to escape them? Can a parent, through their actions as a strict disciplinarian and rule-maker, ensure their children will have a better life than the one they had?
Cover of Reflections of an Anxious African American Dad by Eric L. Heard
These questions seem to be at the core of Eric Heard‘s thoughts as he shares and reflects on his upbringing and the impact his childhood experiences have on how he parents his son today. In his first book, the author openly reveals that he often wondered whether the story should be written. He even talks about the expectations he placed on himself to write a story worthy of being published. Pushing through trepidation, Heard puts pen to paper and writes his story as an act that he describes as the result of pressure from God to go down the road others intentionally avoid, and a way to attain the next level of awareness in his life.
Heard asks questions that many African American fathers likely ponder today. Is it their role, as a father, to be harsh enough in their punishment to offset the conditioning their sons have likely been receiving every day in school and other places? When incidents of misbehavior occur at school, will they be labeled as deadbeat-dads who cannot save their sons? And finally, will their child be sucked into the black hole that has grabbed so many African American men in school? These thoughts and questions raise Heard’s anxieties and push him to take corrective action. This book is his first step towards those actions.
Heard begins the story with his response to his son being sent home from school for unacceptable behavior and disrespect towards a teacher. The author describes the concern he feels after receiving a phone call from his son’s school regarding incomplete homework and insubordination. Heard is instantly upset and calls his wife, who believes he is overreacting to the event. Believing that his wife does not fully understand the severity of their son’s incident at school, he immediately goes into a “teachable moment” mode.
He explains how he becomes disheartened and genuinely concerned as he fears his son is not taking school seriously and that his behavior was destined to put him on a path towards a series of never-ending negative life consequences. Obsessing and frantically worrying about the best and most effective way to get his son back on the right path, Heard prepares himself for the interaction.
When his son arrives home from school, the dialogue between father and son begins. Heard shares how he went in hard on his son, demanding that he explain why his behavior was not up to standard. But almost as quickly as he starts to chastise him, he stops short as he notices his son’s startled and hurt response to the verbal lashing. The response also jolts Heard into his childhood memories of being disciplined by his own father.
It is interesting that Heard does not spend a lot of time sharing the details of this conversation with his son. He introduces and covers the engagement in just a few pages of the first chapter. I believe here is where Heard could have spent more time bringing the reader into the story. As the subsequent storytelling was excellent, I also wondered why he quickly covered an event that was pivotal in his decision for writing the book. Heard does explain his regret for how harshly he spoke to his son, which leads me to believe it is perhaps why he spent less time on what he refers to as a regretful incident and more time sharing his reflections on his own childhood. The connection between how Heard approaches raising his son--and his current interactions with him--seems to be in conflict as he recalls his youth.
Author Eric L. Heard
Guiding the reader with him through his past, Heard shares stories of his life as a military brat, the often turbulent time spent with his parents, and the harsh physical discipline he received from his father, who was a staunch believer of physical discipline. Rules, corporal punishment (paddling) at school, and strict guidance were the foundation of how his parents raised him.
Beyond how he was disciplined by his parents, Heard recalls the treatment he received from authority figures outside of his family unit. Some of the more difficult memories reveal how he was treated as an African American child at a school in Pensacola, Florida. One of the more disturbing events occurs when one of his white female classmates accuses someone of stealing from her. The level of effort put forward to determine who the culprit was shocked Heard, yet it seemed to be protocol to the teachers and ultimately the police who were summoned to solve this “reprehensible crime.” However, once the alleged victim realizes she was mistaken about the theft of her money, no acknowledgment or apologies were given to the Black boys, which included Heard, who were subjected to demeaning procedures to solve a crime that never actually occurred.
The events of Heard’s youth were now having an impact on how he was reacting to his son’s current behavior at school. He began to question whether he was, in fact, taking the right approach. Was he allowing too much of his own past to influence his parenting style? He then reminded himself that his son was just a child and that he needed to ensure the lessons he imparted to him came from a place of love, not pain and hurt.
Many African American men are concerned about the awesome responsibility they have when raising a Black man in a world that often sees their mere presence as a threat. While Heard describes himself as an admitted worrier and a career engineer, he does himself justice in this inaugural book. His story is one that is relatable and ultimately one that needed to be told.
Heard concludes his story by addressing the shared concerns of African American men, who are valiantly doing everything possible to raise their sons to become great men. He shares his hopes of leaving a written legacy to his son and hopefully explaining his often overly precautious behavior. Heard states that he will author more books in the future, but from the perspective of an emboldened author in a quest to impart meaningful content to fathers like himself.
Reflections of an Anxious African American Dad. Eric L. Heard.
2021. Eric L. Heard: 98 pages. Paperback $10.99
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About the Author
A new author in the area of children’s literature, Deborah Delois Harris published Amaris Great Adventures: The Magical Playground in October of 2018. Focusing on increasing the number of books featuring African Americans as the main characters, Deborah plans to write books that are fun for children and their parents and culturally representative of African Americans and their diverse backgrounds.
